Coming Soon: Tracy Morgan

"I do what I do. There are too many personalities that I have to deal with. Everybody don't like Cap'n Crunch, some people like Chex Mix, I get that. I'm not upset with anyone. But I'm gonna tell my story, how I do it."

-Tracy Morgan

You know, the season may be over, but that's no reason to sing the summertime blues at The Paramount. Come to think of it, there's nothing blue about summers in Austin at all. Temperatures climb, and some people have been known to get crazy from the heat (It helps keep Austin weird, after all). Like an oasis in the desert, The Paramount Theatre is a perfect way to escape those sky-high temps. However, an upcoming show may only offer a respite from the heat while keeping the crazy. Why, you ask? Because we got a whole new brand of insanity coming to the stage, and his name is Tracy Morgan.

Yes, that Tracy Morgan. You know the guy: successful yet polarizing comedian, film star, voice actor, wild card, joker. Emmy-nominated for his role as Tracy Jordan in the critically-acclaimed "30 Rock," Morgan is loud and outrageous, but also crazier than a bag full of cats. Get ready, Austin. We're taking weird up a notch, and there's no telling what could come out of this guy's mouth. Chances are, it'll be cray cray.

A staple of the stand-up circuit for years, Morgan grew up in Brooklyn and performed his comedy in his way. After some small but memorable parts in movies and TV shows, Tracy hit the big time when he landed a gig as a regular Saturday Night Live cast member. While his comedy proved to be an "acquired taste," it wasn't long before Tracy began to bark his way into American pop culture.

In 2006, Tina Fey launched a pet project of hers, a prime-time comedy, and brought Tracy Morgan with her. On "30 Rock," he then took his game to a whole new level. Morgan was hilarious as Tracy Jordan, a loose cannon comedian who is called upon to anchor a show but keeps everyone on edge because of his loud and unpredictable tendencies (sound familiar?). At first, I always felt that Morgan was playing a caricature of Martin Lawrence (the meltdown running-in-the-street Martin Lawrence, mind you) and that made for an interesting character during the first season. Yet as seasons went on I realized that Morgan was actually playing an exaggerated version of himself. It's not easy to stand out on a show that showcased the talents of so many, but Tracy set himself apart in a boisterous way only he could pull off.

Alas, Morgan is no one-trick pony. He's parlayed his success into other ventures. Morgan wrote an autobiography a few years ago and has provided voice work for the Rio animated movies. Tracy also co-starred in Cop Out, an action/comedy also featuring Bruce Willis. A throwback of sorts to old buddy action movies like 48 Hours, Morgan played the "Eddie Murphy role" (if, you know, Murphy was louder, sweatier and even more raw and delirious).

Soon Tracy will be bringing his game back to TV screens in a FXX comedy produced but the "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" gang. If his work on NBC pushed the envelope of restraint, then his appearance on a network like FXX will likely put that envelope directly into the paper shredder.

Not that Tracy Morgan is all play and no work. He's worked to offend and isolate many throughout the years, often by "going too far" in expressing candid opinions in interviews. While surely his remarks are simply meant to play for laughs, he's certainly ruffled some feathers. It's sometimes kind of amazing that he hasn't burned bridges left and right through his career.

Tracy, it seems, was born without the filter that most of us have in place before we speak our mind. You know how you see something that irks you and for a split second you wanna rant or otherwise verbally throttle them? Then, after that momentary flare, you realize that you a sane and respectable member of society and dial your reaction back to an eye roll or exasperated exhale. That's completely normal. And yeah, um... that's not Tracy. When he speaks, you're most likely to laugh, but every now and then you're just as likely to gasp and briefly recoil. Maybe you're even laugh in spite of yourself.

And truth be told, that's part of Morgan's appeal. It's simple, and yet it's more than Morgan just "keeping it real." At time of our lives he all have had that friend that is exactly like Tracy Morgan. You remember the guy. He was in college, or a former co-worker, or an in-law. Heck, they may be your relative right now. They speak their mind, you cringe, then giggle or guffaw because you can't believe what you just friggin' heard. And even though you were sometimes shocked, you still liked the guy because he was funny. Because he was crazy.

Tracy Morgan is coming y'all. Come on Saturday, June 28th at 8:00 p.m. and see him turn it funny. Come for the initial laughs and then stay... for the cray.

2013-2014: A Tale of Two Seasons

It was the best of times, and... Always an annual celebration of storytelling, artistic expression and culture, The Paramount and State Theatres once again again ready themselves for the upcoming season. This year, however, it will be a tale of two seasons. A fall/winter and then a winter/spring. Two halves, but each still packed with all the amazing performances we've grown accustomed to over the years.

As always, you can come to them individually, or you can subscribe for the best selections.

Think of the fall/winter session as Chapter 1, where you will find: Think of the fall/winter session as Chapter 1, where you will find:

October 15, 2013


Branford Marsalis follows up last year's successful show with an appearance this year at The Long Center. And this year, he needs the larger stage because his aims are more ambitious. Branford blends the musical worlds of the sacred and the secular with Abyssinian. This gospel celebration features Marsalis' Jazz at Lincoln Center Orchestra and adds a 70-voice gospel choir, Chorale Le Chateau, all conducted by Damien Sneed. The Long Center will overfloweth with joy on Tuesday, October 15, 2013 at 8pm.


October 17, 2013


ACS is a trio featuring three of the most significant female artists in contemporary jazz. Featuring Geri Allen on piano, Terri Lyne Carrington on drums and Esperanza Spalding on bass. Last year Esperanza set hearts afire with her solo show, and this year these ladies are sure to push boundaries with their acoustic creations and dazzle us like no other possibly could. Come listen to their sound reverberate throughout the Paramount's cozy confines on Thursday, October 17, 2013 at 8pm.


November 5, 2013


For the past few decades, these guys have remained one of rock's most engaging storytellers. As faces have changed and music cultures have evolved, these legends keep going like a long train runnin'. They're taking from the streets (if you will) and to The Paramount stage on  Tuesday, November 5, 2013 at 8pm.


November 6, 2013


Mary Chapin Carpenter & Shawn Colvin collaborate for an evening of musical enjoyment. Together, they revisit songs from their respective catalogues and also  cover some of their personal favorites. These two singer/songwriters bbring their charm and amazing voices for a special evening at The Paramount on Wednesday, November 6, 2013 at 8pm.


November 8, 2013


As if Election Day isn't entertaining enough, here are a few more reasons to smile in early November. The Daily Show Live brings a unique multimedia presentation to the theatre. Featuring the talents of Comedy Central's own The Daily Show correspondents Al Madrigal and John Hodgman and executive producer/writer, Rory Albanese, this trio will give  peek behind-the-scenes about the program. Showcasing their skill as natural comedians, this Q&A will be presented by some of the men behind the funniest newscast on television today. Or rather, I should say intentionally funny, because I get the impression that FOX News is actually serious in is presentation. Come laugh on Friday, November 8, 2013 at 8pm.


November 20, 2013


Sarah Vowell is, in many way, a modern historian who helps provides a context to our culture. She is New York Times' bestselling author of six nonfiction books on American history. Sarah offers personal and humorous accounts and musings about the tapestry of the great American quilt of our culture. Also a contributor to This American Life and The Daily Show, she now brings her wit and wisdom to us on Wednesday, November 20, 2013 @ 8pm.


November 20-23, 2013


The best in Improvised Comedy: That's really all you need to know. This tour cast is hand-picked from the best improv comedians in New York City and Los Angeles, and they're coming here for... well, who knows what. It'll be funny and likely to bust your gut. Be prepared to laugh and be ready for anything. Wednesday, November 20th, 2013 through Saturday, November 23rd, 2013 at various times.


December 6, 2013


Now what the heck could I possibly say to do Bob Newhart justice? The master of deadpan humor, he is a comedic genius who has appeared on television, film and is a best-selling standup comic recording artist. Bob Newhart's career is the very model of generating laughs for decades, and he continues to sell out venues all over the nation. Get into this show before it also sells out. Newhart appears at The Paramount on Friday, December 6, 2013 at 8pm.


December 11, 2013


Every year we get drawn back like a moth to a flame. It's storytelling. Pure and simple. Engaging, enlightening, and moving like no other, The Moth is back for another set of narratives to grab our attention. This raconteur delight happens again on Wednesday, December 11, 2013 at 8pm.


December 17, 2013


Alas, America's spirit of space exploration is on fumes. Weep not for the future, though. If the renown Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson has anything to do with it, we will continue to explore the meaning of the cosmos for decades to come and keep reaching for the stars. Neil is an academic beast, earning eighteen honorary doctorates and the NASA Distinguished Public Service Medal, the highest award given by NASA to a non-government citizen. A fixture in scientific circles for his own-to-earth persona, he breaks astrophysics for the mass consumption with his signature humor. Live, listen and learn could well be his credo. One thing is certain, he is riveting to infinity and beyond. Come have a listen with Tyson at The Paramount on Tuesday, December 17, 2013 at 8pm.


December 19, 2013


American songwriter and pianist Jim Brickman hosts a holiday celebration warmer than your yule log. Join Brickman and his special guest performers presents a blend of music, entertainment and joy. Put down your egg nog, grab your loved ones, and come down to The Paramount on Thursday, December 19, 2013 at 8pm.


January 16, 2014


An entertainer in every sense of the word, Ann Hampton Callaway is an accomplished singer, pianist, composer, lyricist, arranger, actress, educator and producer. At home in concert halls and jazz cabarets, she can reinterpret classics in fresh new ways. Inside The Stateside at The Paramount, Callaway will celebrate Barbara Streisand's career. From Barbara's Broadway show tunes to her film works, to pop favorites and more, Callaway will perform Streisand like only she can on Thursday, January 16, 2014 at 7pm and 9:30 pm.


January 19, 2014


Two years ago, banjo maestro Béla Fleck and his Flecktones performed a raucous and amazing show at The Paramount. This season, Fleck returns and brings pianist Chick Corea. Both are gifted at musical improvisation, and this duet event will likely be the most impressive and adventurous musical journey you will experience in quite some time. Join them for a night of jazz, bluegrass, classical and any thing else that comes out of their heads on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 8pm


January 22, 2014


Ray Price possesses one of the most signature baritone in country music, and has been crooning hits since the early 1950s. Now in his eighties, Price still is going strong and hits the road for a number of shows every year. This year, The Paramount hosts on of these special stops for this long-time staple of country music. Join us on Wednesday, January 22, 2014 at 8pm.


January 23, 2014


A former United States Poet Laureate, Billy Collins is an American icon. Critically acclaimed and popular in appeal, he has become the most accomplished poet in the U.S. since Robert Frost. Currently the Poetry Consultant for Smithsonian Magazine, his public readings are always an event to remember. Come share in a new memory at The Paramount on Thursday, January 23, 2014 at 8pm.


January 30, 2014


Hal Holbrook is another living legend of American theater. It should be no real surprise that someone of his stature portray this American literary giant Mark Twain. But what makes Holbrook even more remarkable is that he created this one-man show nearly six decades ago in a small off-Broadway theatre. Many years and venues later, Holbrook returns to The Paramount as Samuel Clemens' alter ego. The man portrayed by a legend appears on Thursday, January 30, 2014 at 8pm


It's going to be the best of times, and ... well... Yeah it's just pretty great. No bad times to be found here.
Don't miss a single show, or else it may well be the worst of times, indeed.

What are you waiting for? Get your tickets now! I'll see you there.

In Conversation: Leonard Maltin

"Film preservation should be of interest to everyone- from the average film fan to the most erudite scholar. We cannot allow such a significant part of our history to vanish."

-Leonard Maltin

It's been another great season at the Paramount, with performers, authors, raconteurs, singers, actors and comedians all bringing their immense talents to the audiences of Austin. It seems like just yesterday that  things kicked off with provocative film director Spike Lee, and now the season comes full circle with the affable film critic and historian Leonard Maltin. A staple of the American film critic society, Maltin will conclude the series. With the annual Paramount Summer Classic Film Series imminent, it's only appropriate the one of the most vocal advocates for film preservation be the guest for the evening.

For over 30 years, Leonard has been the film reviewer for television's "Entertainment Tonight," becoming one of the most visible film critics working today. While critics had previously been confined to print in the past, Maltin (along with Roger Ebert, Gene Siskel and Gene Shalit) was at the forefront of film critics who became household names by establishing themselves on TV. While some of his contemporaries could be acerbic or snarky in their reviews, Maltin always projected a warmth and friendliness that set him apart. In fact, he often comes across as just about the nicest film critic who ever reviewed movies.

But Maltin's efforts aren't just limited to film critique. He has been a tireless champion for film preservation and restoration. Repeatedly over the years, Leonard has considered himself blessed to have seen so many vintage films during his youth. Alas, the fragile medium of film means that great care must be taken to ensure that future generations get to experience the same stories that were told decades ago. Time and money must be invested into saving film of yesteryear, or we could lose early cinematic works just by doing nothing. Idle hands mean we lose more films as they dissolve into dust.

Leonard Maltin will bring with him a rescued film from an American master. Frank Capra is best known for directing IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE, MR SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON and IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT, but there was an early gem of his that was all but lost for six decades. After its recent recovery and restoration, The Paramount will host a screening of this classic: LADY FOR A DAY.

It's remarkable to think that a film like this was deliberately hidden away. But you know what? It's just best to let Leonard explain it himself.


After the film, Maltin will be available for a discussion about the film and his thoughts on other endangered works or art. It's a film lover's treat and a preamble to the summer series.

For all his hard work and advocacy for film restoration, Maltin gets the eternal gratitude of millions of movie goers.  And why wouldn't we? He's a charming and affable guy, and you'd have to be some kind of monster not to like this cinematic historian...


Ok, well, maybe not a monster. But certainly a Gremlin.

Leonard Maltin is a modern torchbearer, keeping the flame of classic cinema going for generations to come. In an era of disposable entertainment, let's all try and remember that there are better ways to introduce future generations to film than with Transformers movies. Come and behold a recovered Capra jewel, and be grateful that we haven't lost this treasure like dust in the wind. That would be the reel tragedy.

David Sedaris

"I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone."

-David Sedaris

I awoke a couple of days ago and felt an insufferable case of the Mondays; that malaise one feels at the end of March. Deep inside you know it's technically spring, and it's supposed to be infused with the feeling of rebirth and renewal and other marketing buzzwords from places like Bath & Body Works.

To be honest, I wasn't sure why I was blue. Perhaps I was merely run-down. I had, after all, just returned from an amazing Spring Break trip, and trying to get back into the routine of a working life after a prolonged absence is always difficult to readjust to. It's like when you're on a people mover at an airport, and you step off of the conveyer belt back onto stationary ground. Your momentum shifts to a halt, and no matter how hard you try to maintain a graceful stride you always step off and land with the grace of a newborn fawn. So this lingering sense of jet lag from international travel combined with fluctuating Texas weather had finally culminated into a generally foggy state of mind.

I was playing ridiculously bad pop music in my head in the shower that morning, when a thought flashed through like a bolt of lightning amidst my brain's cumulonimbus clouds. Is it...? Is it April already? I blinked and placed the bottle of aromatherapy shampoo in the shower caddy. It... it is April!

And like that, it was as if a sunbeam bore through the clouds. My focus shifted and, like a allergy medicine commercial, the veil lifted and life's viewfinder was suddenly crystalline clear. What does April historically mean to me? Well, among other things, the month brings April showers, schizophrenic weather patterns, clearance Easter candy at the local market, a run on allergy meds, and most importantly... Big laughs here in Austin. In what has become a bit of a annual rite, The Paramount welcomes David Sedaris back to the Long Center for what is sure to be another evening of anecdotes, diary entries, book recommendations, tears and exhausted facial muscles.

In what has become itself a rite of spring, the arrival of David Sedaris to town is more welcome than any weather-forecasting groundhog, velvet-clad leprechaun or chocolate-peddling bunny. When David is in Austin, it's always a treat. Sure, it's a peek into the mind of the single funniest man you will ever listen to, but it's also just so damn hilarious. He may not put the "fun" into "funny," but he certainly highlights it with his sardonic wit and clever cultural observations.

For those that don't already know, Sedaris is an author, playwright and a regular commentator on National Public Radio. I love how his descriptions are incredibly vivid. He uses words to paint scenarios and characters in your head as effortlessly as Bob Ross made happy little trees with a sponge and a dab of chartrueuse paint. In fact, this years visit has a greater significance because the day before he speaks, his latest book will be released in stores, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls.

Yes, you read that right. David himself briefly explains the book's title below:


Needless to say, many of us are eagerly waiting this new collection. Maybe not like those Muggles- er, I mean crazies that camped out for Harry Potter, but certainly with great enthusiasm. And yet, no matter how many times you've read his works, there is nothing quite like hearing telling you a story orally.

There's a whole new level of vibrancy when you hear David tell a story or read a journal entry. His soothing yet nasally voice make the contrast between the nondescript details of his observations and the shocking aspects elevate a simple tale into high art. Imagine your high school Geometry teacher stopped his normal drone about acute angled. Then, without changing the inflection of his voice, continue into a calm rant about the obtuse behavior of a boorish and crass society. David's dry wit and delivery go down smoothly like a glass of red wine with top notes of sarcasm.

Not merely an advocate for his own observations, a bonus treat at his shows is when he personally recommends something he is currently reading. Last year, he raved about the darkly funny Deadly Kingdom: The Book of Dangerous Animals by Gordon Grice, a collection of anecdotes and facts about  some of nature's thugs, capable of wrecking havoc on humans. A quick read through this and you may proclaim, "The heck with the gun control debate, keep that marsupial away from me!"

In years past, David also takes questions from the audience and will stay afterwards to sign books for all who attend. It would be an ideal time to ask followup questions about his new book, although he may not be willing to explore the glucose levels of Hedwig. You're better off asking a Harry Potter fan about that one.


So with the fog lifted and my scalp smelling minty fresh, I stepped out of the shower and circled the date on the calendar to mark the annual visit of David Sedaris. Until then, I'll continue to wash my hair every morning with some of that Eucalyptus Spearmint shampoo. That aromatherapy always makes me feel better, according to Bath & Body Works. And while I'm not inclined to believe the marketing, I will heed last year's warnings about deadly animals. I now pray that a wild koala won't attack me because I lathered, rinsed and then repeated.

David Sedaris visits The Long Center as part of the season series on Wednesday, April 24 at 8:00 p.m.

Fuel

After spring break and the ides of March, the summertime is on the fasttrack for arrival. And, per tradition, we can look forward to the regulars of the warmer months: sunglasses, sunny vacations and the oh so predictable high fuel prices. Like clockwork, we can expect to see the upward creep of dollars and cents at the gas pump after Memorial Day weekend. Heck, you can probably already see it happening now. We scrounge to save mere pennies while burning our dollars on the tried and true money pit that is our continued reliance on oil to fuel ourselves.

There's just got to be a better way, right?

April and Earth Day is a time for deliberation and activism to preserve our environment. What better way to usher in the month than by continuing The Beautiful World Series at The Paramount this season? This four film series this year is brought to you in conjunction with The Cynthia and George Mitchell Foundation, and are designed to celebrate, preserve and protect our delicate planet.

Although not from the same filmmakers, FUEL is a spiritual sequel to the ideas raised in the acclaimed documentary AN INCONVIENENT TRUTH. Directed by Josh Tickell, FUEL looks at the topic of energy in America. Tickell makes the film a personal platform as he tries to reconcile his upbringing in Louisiana (an oil-rich state) with the debate towards alternative energy sources. FUEL examines a wide range of energy solutions, the faltering US auto and petroleum industries, and the American mindset toward alternative energy. Along his journey, Tickell advocates the use of biodiesel - a diesel alternative made from plant oils as a possible solution. FUEL presents its case for America to think outside the oil barrel while illustrating that, like Tickell, any one of us can make a difference.


A New York Times Critics' Pick and winner of the Sundance Film Festival Audience Award for Best Documentary, FUEL is significant film that can impact all who see it. After the screening, a Q&A session will be moderated by The Cynthia and George Mitchell Foundation. A rousing and inspiration film hopefully yields some advocacy and advancement.

When one considers the expanse of our dependency on oil, it's clear that America has struggled with an addiction of Lindsey Lohan proportions. Alas, to help stave off our craving, the onus is on us to stage our own intervention. Although we got our first shock during the oil crisis of 1973, decades of geopolitical unrest and posturing has yielded little in our ability to break the habit.

Like George Santayana said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." What more do we have to endure to initiate a real change and shift in our attitudes?

I mean, think about it. Have we so quickly forgotten this scene from the 70s?

?
Spooky what supply and demand hath wroth.

And if that's not disheartening, how about this scary image from what will likely be the near future?
(Parental guidance suggested for the image below. Please cover your wallet's eyes)

?
Yeah. It's not a pretty prospect unless we act now.

Often when prices spike, there's always some faction out there that believe boycotting is the answer, yet it's often merely just a misdirection. Our real greatest hope is to heed the cautionary signs and look for the next fuel solution. This film aims to help spark discussion and ignite that very action. A rousing and inspirational look at what keeps our country moving, FUEL hopes to get you moving in bold new directions long after the last reel ends.

Your brain is ripe for some fresh perspective on the energy dilemma. Fill 'er up.


FUEL will be syphoned into your mind on Wednesday, April 3rd 2013 at 7:30 pm.

The Second City: Laughing Matters

"I came out of the old Second City in Chicago. Chicago actors are more hard-nosed. They're tough on themselves and their fellow actors. They're self-demanding... you learned to make the other actor look good so you looked good."

 -Bill Murray

Is it me, or is it possible that the Mayans were onto something? Maybe they were off a couple of months on their calendar of doom, but things lately have been more in the realms clouds of doom and gloom. We've had North Korea testing nukes, meteors exploding over an impressively calm Russian populace, and the disaster that is the newest Die Hard movie. It bring to mind the end-of-the-world proclamations of Bill Murray in Ghostbusters, "dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!"

Call me crazy, but I think we all could use a cold beer good chuckle. You know, something to serve as a friendly reminder that in these times, laughing matters.

Luckily for us, it's time to tap the keg of funny. The Paramount will be hosting The Second City, a Chicago-based improvisational team that has been providing laughs for over 50 years. Before The Groundlings, before The Upright Citizens Brigade, before Saturday Night Live, Second City was pioneering new comedy trails with its signature non-confomist spirit and satirical wit.

They have resident stages in Chicago and in Toronto, and in addition to their touring companies still entertain over one million people a year. If you're old enough, you may remember SCTV, a Canadian sketch comedy show like Saturday Night Live that served as a springboard for comedians the likes of John Candy, Martin Short, Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara and many others.

The Chicago company is also chock full of legendary alumni that has inspired awe by comedians young and old.

“The first time I went to see a Second City show, I was in awe of everything. I just wanted to touch the same stage that Gilda Radner had walked on. It was sacred ground.”

-Tina Fey 

The list of alumni is amazing, and their work has been the foundation for much of the comedy landscape we enjoy to this day. A great sense of humor is timeless, and the talents of these comedians will endure much longer than any Harlem Shake video or internet cat meme.

Amongst The Second City hall of fame are: Alan Arkin, Fred Willard, Joan Rivers, Robert Klein, John Belushi, Harold Ramis, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, Dan Ackroyd, Bonnie Hunt, Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Amy Sedaris, Steve Carell, Steven Colbert and Tina Fey.


When they arrive for their performances at The Paramount, the touring Second City ensemble will be
featuring some of the best sketches, songs, and improvisations from the Chicago group from the past five decades. No matter if its an archival gem or contemporary satire, it promises to be more entertaining than dashboard videos of meteors blazing across the skies and scaring the bejeebus out of us. It also will be funnier than the concept of Bruce Willis or Ben Affleck saving us from those meteors.  Why? Because The Second City intends to be funny.

Gather around and laugh at the face of our pending armageddon with the next generation of Second City legends. Enjoy them today, just in case a raging asteroid of death dictates that tomorrow never arrives. If so, I'd rather die laughing. So come on, you don't wanna miss a thing.


Catch The Second City on:

Wednesday, February 20th at 8:00 pm
Thursday, February 21st at 8:00 pm
Friday, February 22nd at 7:00 pm and 9:30 pm
Saturday, February 23rd at 7:00 pm and 9:30 pm

Wynton Marsalis & Jazz at The Lincoln Center

Jazz again takes a turn on the showcase of the Paramount stage, and this time the featured artist is Wynton Marsalis, who is practically a member of musical royalty. Marsalis is coming, and he's bringing an orchestra with him. Jazz at the Lincoln Center is not the name of an event, but is a the name of the arts institute he co-founded in 1987. A big band of the same name travels with him, and now they will bring their big sound to the big state of Texas. Needless to say, this is no small event. Marsalis is not just any artist, but an ambassador of classical music and of the great American musical form of Jazz itself.

Wynton, an amazing jazz trumpeter, hails from (what many consider to be) the first family of modern American Jazz. The Marsalis patriarch, Ellis, was a jazz musician from New Orleans who broke the mold of dixieland musicians decades ago. Over the years, he worked with scores of other artists and was regarded as one of he most influential pianists on the scene. Wynton and three of his brothers all became musicians in their own right, keeping the momentum of jazz propelling forward into new generations. He began studying trumpet at age 12, and moved to New York at age 18 to attend the Juilliard School of Music. Less than a year later, he signed with Columbia Records. Wynton released his first album in 1982, and has since created numerous jazz and classical recordings that have sold millions across the globe.

Naturally for someone of his caliber, the accolades have flowed his way like a series of cool jazz riffs. Marsalis has won nine Grammy awards, and is the only person to ever win Grammys for jazz and classical records.  In 1997, he became the first jazz musician to win the Pulitzer Prize in music, for his epic oratorio, Blood on the Fields, about a couple moving from slavery towards freedom.

For the last quarter century, Marsalis and Jazz at the Lincoln Center have preformed around the globe. Wynton has performed in over 30 countries and on every continent, with the exception Antarctica. Penguins may be accustomed to cooler climates, but apparently they've missed out on some cool cool jazz.

When playing together, the big band is like a force of nature. Take, for instance, this performance of Marsalis and the Jazz at the Lincoln Center Orchestra a few years ago in San Diego. They perform a little John Coltrane, but it's just... simply... wow. It's hard for words to describe.


My goodness, just listen to that, will ya? Incredible. Now, just close your eyes and imagine this sound without the restraint of your computer, smartphone or tablet speakers that you probably just heard this on. Imagine this filling the auditorium of The Paramount... where the sound can envelope you, fill you mind, and make a cool little smile creep up the side of your face like a rising balloon.

This man with a limitless work ethic is also a advocate for the arts and an educator to boot at the institute, never tiring in his pursuit in bringing classical music and jazz to masses the owrld over. And now, Wynton brings his signature sound to The Paramount. Join the band in the vaulted venue, and let him teach you a thing or two on this upcoming night.


Horns up, Austin (brass horns, that is). Wynton Marsalis and Jazz at the Lincoln Center Orchestra bring it on Wednesday, February 6th. And that's truly something to get all jazzed up about.

An Evening with Cesar Millan: The Dog Whisperer

“Discipline isn’t about showing a dog who’s boss; it’s about taking responsibility for a living creature you have brought into your world.”

- Cesar Millan

The Paamount hosts all varieties of acts (not just  performing artists), including some of the best communicators and storytellers around. Over the seasons, I have marveled at the relevance of these storytellers to my own life. On any given night, you may be moved by what you see or hear. Not only is it compelling to hear the journeys, but it's remarkable how universal their stories can be. You can come away with a renewed spirit, a warmer sense of empathy, or have your whole perspective altered about the world you live in. A good storyteller can fan the flames of your heart and mind, recalibrating you with the connection you feel with the story. Friends, it's the power of true connection.

It's moments like those when you know something has transcended and touched all audiences despite our cultural and societal differences. But what if a particular storyteller could rise above more than culture lines? What if communication could cross over different species also? Well, it appears at least one man can cross these barriers. His name is Cesar Millan: author, television personality and star of his own National Geographic TV show, "Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan."

At this time, some of you may be asking, "what the heck is a dog whisperer?"

In a nutshell, it's someone who can identify and speak to behaviors and the reasons they happen. Cesar is not just a trainer with a dog whistle and a bag of Milk Bones as rewards. If you've ever watched his show and seen a demonstration, you know his methods for dog training are direct and often nothing short of remarkable.


So how does he do it? Is he speaking at some frequency that only dogs can hear?

No. The key is to not rely merely on the verbiage of a command. After all, dogs do not technically know any human language. For instance, save yourself the trouble of speaking louder when canines can't understand or follow a command. That tactic will work just as well as the notion that speaking louder to a foreign national will somehow magically make them comprehend English. Instead, be mindful of attitude. Dogs can detect your vibe and smell your assertiveness (or fear). THAT is what they will respond to, not your booming voice. Remember it's Dog Whisperer, not Dog Shouter.

Millan emphasizes that one must bond with your dog. A pet should not simply be relegated to becoming a chore like washing dishes or taking out the trash. They are just as much a part of the family as a sibling, a parent or a child. Treat them as family, but remember that they have a dog's needs, not human needs. It's a bold new path to obidience than most of us are not used to. Cesar's methods are a mix of understanding the dog's nature, demonstrating assertiveness and exercising patience. Yes, it's a tall order for conventional pet owners, but no one said it was ever easy whispering with "man's best friend.

While it may not be a Jedi mind trick, it certainly requires a Yoda-like zen.


Millan's story itself is quite a remarkable tale of perseverance, determination and fortitude in the face of controversy over his methods.

Born in Mexico, Millan grew up working on a farm and found his aptitude for dog handling at an early age. He illegally immigrated into the U.S. as a young adult with no prospects, no family and no knowledge of English. However, years of toiling paid off as he set up his own dog facilities. This led to him being "discovered"and later to naturalization as a U.S. citizen. In the dog-eat-dog world of modern America, Cesar found his calling and made it work. That's an American success story to be sure, and that road is a struggle we can all identify with at some level.

More over, his attitudes about life balance can provide audiences with lessons that reach deeper than what the dogs will comprehend. Millan's philosophies can be applied to many other aspects of life, and can even be a guide to build or repair family dynamics.

Like dogs with bad habits, we also can sometimes stand to be reconditioned ourselves. Too often we can feel fenced in, stressed, and in the doghouse. Rather than merely barking and growling at everything we find bothersome, maybe we should just "unlearn what we have learned" and let those sleeping dogs lie.

So come listen to his stories, the highs and the lows, his approaches to life and learn more than just tips for four-legged friends. You never know. He may be able to teach all of us old dogs some new tricks.

Spend an evening with Millan on Sunday, January 27th at 7:30 pm at The Paramount. When selecting your seats, choose the "APA/AAC" ticket type and $5 of every ticket goes to Austin Pets Alive! and Friends of Austin Animal Center!

We assure you the dogs will make sure the funds are put to good use...

Shatner's World. We Just Live In It.

"We were basically one and the same, although Jim [Kirk] was just about perfect, and, of course, I am perfect."

-William Shatner 

 A new year, a new frontier for The Paramount.

They say history is performed nightly at The Paramount Theatre, and it's a vivid chronicle full of colorful acts and characters. Award-winning actors, directors, authors and recording artists grace the stage, but seldom all at the same time. Next will be a titan amongst pop culture icons, and a man that fits the title of every artisan listed above. Look, up on the stage! It's Captain James T. Kirk, it's T.J. Hooker, it's Denny Crane! It's the legendary William Shatner.

Let's go ahead and address the elephant in the room first. Yes, pretty much everyone on the planet knows him as Star Trek's own Captain Kirk. William portrayed Kirk as a cocky and often bullheaded hero, establishing himself as the centerpiece of a memorable ensemble cast that included DeForest Kelly, George Takei, James Doohan, Nichelle Nichols, Walter Koenig and Leonard Nimoy as a half-alien who is cooler than a cucumber.

Although Star Trek lasted only three seasons, Shatner's unique brand of bravado and dialogue delivery helped position the show as a pop culture phenomenon that has been rejuvenated time and again over the decades. Trek resurfaced as an animated series, various spin-off TV series, and a number of cinematic adventures. Heck, they've even rebooted the original series in a new anthology of big screen adventures directed by J.J. Abrams. Try as you might, Chris Pine. There's still only one James T. Kirk.

It's an iconic role, to be sure. And anyone in such a role would be in danger of typecasting. It didn't help that many considered Shatner and Kirk to be one and the same. And in the early 1970s, William struggled shedding the mantle of Star Trek. However, while other Trek alumni were running from their pop culture alter egos, Kirk decided to embrace the melodramatic icon of awesome that was Kirk. Do you remember that Leonard Nimoy autobiography he wrote called "I am not Spock?" Yeah, you better believe that if Shatner had written an autobiography around the same time it would've gone in a much different direction.

Not that "Trekkies" are the only ones to champion the persona of Shatner. He took a path that embraced the cultural persona and perception of William Shatner and parlayed it into years of continued television success. In the early 1980s, he reappeared on TV in the police drama T.J. Hooker, and later hosted the reality series Rescue 911. After portraying versions of himself as a commercial pitchman, he finally garnered critical acclaim (and two Emmy awards) for his role as Denny Crane in the legal dramas The Practice and Boston Legal.

Not content to reside only in film and television, Bill's career choices were often as varied as Star Trek adventures. One could safely say his ventures in the musical realm boldly went where no career had gone before. A hybrid of spoken word, performance art and "singing," his melodic riffs and covers are unlike anything you're likely to hear on this planet. Take, for instance, this cover of Elton John's "Rocket Man."



And, in case you're wondering... there are no Grammys on his mantle.

Did you know that Shat is a scribe also? I don't mean just captain's logs from the final frontier, but rather he has penned numerous works of fiction and non-fiction. He has directed television episodes and even a feature film (STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER). Bill Shatner's a jack of many trades, and is nearly omni-present in the media. He continues acting on TV, does voiceover work in that signature stilted delivery of his, and continues to lampoon his own persona as a cultural icon. He's serious about not taking himself to seriously, yet remains a pop cult of personality.

Over the decades, William Shatner has crafted a world unto himself. After making a splash as the most famous star captain in history, he found a novel way to break away from one defining role: by running head on into it and making it work to his advantage. Now we can partake of his stories and experiences. With his depth of background and a fifty year career, I can easily seeing this show go in any one of a billion different directions. It's his world, after all, and it's one where one man can tackle and conquer anything he sets his phasers on. Where Shat happens.

Worry not, it will definitely be worth it. This performance will be unique, rewarding and most certainly will not be a con.

Oh, excuse me. I meant... not be a KHAAAAAN!


Come hear William shoot the Shat on Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 8:00 p.m.

The Moth on The Road

Quick! Grab a seat! The Moth is returning!

After performing to an enthusiastic Austin crowd during last year's season, The Moth is back on the road and swooping into the theatre again this year for another round. For those of you who don't know, I'm not talking about bugs. You can put away that fly swatter and bag of moth balls; your wool sweater is safe at The Paramount.

So then, what exactly is The Moth?

In a nutshell, they are storytellers. The Moth is a non-profit group dedicated to the craft of the narrative. Since its creation fifteen years ago, the organization has developed many avenues for their brand of storytelling, including: open mic competitions, podcasts and a radio show. The flagship program, "The Moth Mainstage," is a pillar of the New York literary scene and tours around the country as "The Moth on The Road."

So what happens?

During a Moth show, a few different raconteurs will take the stage and tell stories revolving around a particular theme All are true stories told live to the audience with no notes, but the way they're crafted and shaped actually makes the tales become alive. As you listen, you find yourself becoming more immersed and you feel the connection to something greater the just the words. it's more than just oration on stage, it's a communal work of art that engages you like few other things can.

To me, it brings to mind Geoffrey Chaucer's "The Canterbury Tales,"where a collection of stories can ultimately be about something greater than the sum of its parts. On stage, The Moth is, in essence, the very core of storytelling itself. It's just an anecdotalist and the audience. No notes, no teleprompter, just a voice and the power of the story.

But don't just take my word for it. If you have a moment, partake of these words...


According to The Moth's website, the evening's theme will be "Nine Lives." I'm certain it will not just be stories about cats. What I am uncertain about is how these stories will break down the barriers we have built around us. I'm intensely curious to see an audience engaged with the orator and then stripped down to a bare sense of humanity.

And afterwards, what anecdotes will it conjure in your own mind? How will you react? With shock? With awe? With reverence? Or all of the above?

And so it was that later

As the Miller told his tale,

That her face at first just ghostly

Turned a whiter shade of pale.

Small shout out to Chaucer aside, these Procol Harem song lyrics (from 1967) always remind me that the power of a story can elicit strong reactions regardless of the audience and its preconceived notions. To some it may be non-sensical, but to others will comprehend, unlocking a trove of treasures within ourselves.

Inside each and every one of us is a storyteller. The Moth reminds us that we all have our tales, lessons and fables accumulated inside of us. As a society, we also are greater than the sum of our parts. One of the most basic of humanities is the art of storytelling, and one of the most precious gifts we can give is sharing those stories with one another. These narratives can make us laugh, cry, gasp or recoil, but every one has the ability to bind us all. You never know what story will have the ability to make you pause or even alter your world view.

Great stories also will always take on a life of their own. What tales from this night will you take into your possession? When you retell it to friends, colleagues and family, what stamp will you put upon it? Once the baton is passed orally, a story is like a ball of modeling clay; shaped by all hands that touch it and grasp onto it. And when they hear you, they may very well grasp onto it and share it as well. The stories are rich and organic from the people it touches and inspires. When a fascinating story begins we are apt to stop and pay attention. No matter the stories' content, we can all be captivated and drawn in. Dare I say it? You know, like... well, a moth to a flame.

The Moth flies into The Paramount Theatre on Friday, December 14th. Doors open at 7:00 p.m., and the stories start at 8:00.

An Evening with Glenn Close

"I love the chemistry that can be created onstage between the actors and the audience. It's molecular even, the energies that can go back and forth. I started in theater. and when I first went into movies I felt that my energy was going to blow out the camera."

-Glenn Close

More often than not, I hear thespians with theatre backgrounds always prefer the intimacy and electiricty that comes from on-stage performance. Based on her statement above, actress Glenn Close falls into that category as well. And you wanna know something? She is absolutely right in that observation. If you've ever seen a performer mesmerize an audience from the stage, you know why. When performing for a camera, your energies are merely captured by a lens. But when one is on stage it's more than your voice booming out into the auditorium, it's your very soul. It cascades over the audiences washes them in the current of a performance, and their own reactions can ripple back like the rise and fall of a tide.

While I couldn't tell you if Glenn Close has actually blown up any cameras of the years, the caliber of her work and the range of characters she's played over her career indicates it may well still be possible. Regardless of the medium, her talents are apparent to all: Glenn Close is one of our generation's most versatile actors.

Here's a quick rundown of accolades: She's a six-time Oscar nominated actress, a British Academy Film Award nominee and a multiple-time Grammy nominee. Oh, and she's also won multiple Emmys, Golden Globes, a Screen Actors Guild award, an Off-Broadway award and three Tony awards.

Apropos of chemistry lingo, her roles are often combustible to behold on stage. And on film or television, like a strip of magnesium, she can set the screen ablaze. As a result, her performances have always breathed with a sense of vitality and electricity. Compared to most, she makes most everyone sharing the screen with her look like mere community theatre players. Yes, she is that damn good.

She began on the stage, and honed her craft early in her career. Glenn made her debut in 1974, and was nominated for her first Tony in 1980. Eventually, she went on to win Tonys for The Real Thing and Death and the Maiden and for Andrew Lloyd Weber’s Sunset Boulevard. On stage, she has appeared in such works as Uncle Vanya, King Lear, Rules of the Game, The Real Thing, The Singular Life of Albert Nobbs, The Crucifer of Blood, The Member of the Wedding and The Rose Tattoo. Ten years ago, she even appeared in a London Royal National Theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire as Blanche DuBois.

Luckily for us, Close ventured beyond the stage and brought her talent to all avenues of media. Her transition to film was seamless segue to more kudos. Not many receive an Academy Award nomination for their first movie, but Close did for 1982 for her supporting role in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP. In the next few years she followed that up with more supporting nominations in 1983's THE BIG CHILL and 1984's THE NATURAL. Quite the start, wouldn't you say? In the years since, she has also received Best Actress nominations for 1988's DANGEROUS LIASIONS and 2011's ALBERT NOBBS.

But I think perhaps her signature role is one that struck cold fear down the spines of married men everywhere in the 1980s. Her role of Alex Forrest in Adrian Lyne's FATAL ATTRACTION is so warped yet believably terrifying that it seared itself into the national consciousness. In this 1987 film, happily married Michael Douglas has a weekend fling with Glenn Close, but soon find that this liaison will not slip quietly into the closet to buried like other skeletons. She has other plans, and the consequences of his affair jeopardizes his life in ways he never could have imagined. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (Just ask the family's pet rabbit). From that moment, the term "fatal attraction" itself has come to identify tales of infidelity gone awry, and this film likely kept an entire culture of men scared straight. Now that's what I call leaving an impression.

In fact, every role that Glenn has breathed life into has been indelible in its own way, no matter how large or small. Whether as the sharp but vulnerable lawyer in JAGGED EDGE, the Barbara Bushian First Lady in Tim Burton's MARS ATTACKS!, the Vice President to Harrison Ford's ass-kicking chief executive in AIR FORCE ONE, the diabolical live-action Cruella DeVil in 101 DALMATIANS  or her literally haunting performance in REVERSAL OF FORTUNE, Close always manages to stamp the role with a signature that only she is able to provide.

Recently, Close just concluded the final season of "Damages," a television legal thriller that ran for five seasons. As the brilliant and ruthless lead character Patty Hewes, Glenn led the charge of awards bestowed on the program by winning two Emmys (for the first two seasons), a Satellite award, a Gracie Allen award and a Golden Globe. Prior to "Damages," Glenn also won acclaim for appearing in series like "The Shield," "The West Wing," "Will & Grace,""The Simpsons," as well as programs like "South Pacific," "Sarah Plain and Tall," and "The Lion in Winter."

And now, on our own stage in downtown Austin, we will get to hear insight from the woman behind the masks. Sharing stories and insight on her career, Glenn will once again will be a part of the magic chemistry between the audience and those on stage, but now in a whole new way. Prepare to still be entranced by her charm, grace and a chemistry that goes far beyond anything having to do with Mentos candies and Diet Coke.

Glenn Close graces the stage and shares her thoughts on Thursday, December 6th.

Last Call at The Oasis

"Water is the driving force of all nature."

 -Leonardo DaVinci

This season, The Paramount begins a new series to their lineup. The Beautiful World Series is a four film series this year brought to you in conjunction with The Cynthia and George Mitchell Foundation. These events are designed to celebrate, preserve and protect our delicate planet.

The first film in this series, LAST CALL AT THE OASIS, emphasizes how water truly is the life blood to our world's well being. Directed by Academy Ward-winning documentary director Jennifer Yu, the film brings to light the perils and misconceptions we have about water's long-term sustainability. Developed by the same team that brought us awareness-raising documentaries as AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH, WAITING FOR SUPERMAN and FOOD, INC., this film is an alarm clock that we cannot afford to snooze.


While the centerpiece will be the presentation of this film, the entire evening will be informative and captivating. Before the screening, the lobby will host booths by the Texas Rainwater Catchment Association, Austin Eco Network information and local farmers. After the show, a post-film panel will convene on stage to discuss this urgent topic. The panelists will include author Robert Glennon, Andy Sansom from the Texas Water Institute, Laura Huffman from The Nature Conservancy of Texas, and Marilu Hastings of The Cynthia and George Mitchell Foundation.

Robert Glennon is a highly acclaimed author of environmental books such as Water Follies: Groundwater Pumping and the Fate of America’s Fresh Waters and Unquenchable: America’s Water Crisis and What To Do About It. He also has advocated on NPR, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, C-SPAN2’s Book TV, and many others.

Andy Sansom is a former executive director of the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department and a founder of The Parks and Wildlife Foundation of Texas. Sansom also is the executive director of the Texas Nature Conservancy. A distinguished award winner for his efforts, he has been the recipient of numerous accolades from the likes of National Fish and Wildlife Foundation, The National Park Foundation and also the International Association of Fish and Wildlife Agencies.

Laura Huffman, director for The Nature Conservancy of Texas, leads and ordinated teams of scientists and conservation experts to help protect the Lone Star state. Locally, she has been instrumental in helping to secure the Edward’s Aquifer.

Marilu Hastings currently serves the Cynthia and George Mitchell Foundation as the Environment Program Director. She has focused efforts on climate change, water conservation, waste management, and development of recycled products.

Awareness and focus on such a pressing issue is the first step, and with the information provided at The Paramount perhaps we can all do our part to prevent the constant wasteful drip of our future's supply. Together, we can turn the thriftless faucet off, and save plenty of water for all of us on this precious oasis of life we know as our Earth.

The time to open our eyes is now. After all, it is not an issue of whether the glass is half empty or half full; it's a matter whether we're going to have any water in the glass to make such a judgment at all.


LAST CALL AT THE OASIS will quench your thirst for knowledge on Wednesday, November 28, 2012. Pre-show event at 6:30 p.m. with the screening at 7:30 p.m.

Richard Thomas Performs Tennessee Williams

"If the writing is honest it cannot be separated from the man who wrote it."

-Tennessee Williams 

We've had lecturers, musical guests, comedians and speakers thus far during the season. Now, how about some acting? In the coming weeks, Emmy-winning actor Richard Thomas will be bringing to life some of the literary work of the legendary writer, Tennessee Williams.

As I'm sure you may know, Williams was one of the most highly acclaimed American playwrights in the 20th century. Widely acclaimed during the heyday of his career, he was a two-time Pulitzer prize winner for A Streetcar Named Desire and Cat on A  Hot Tin Roof, and also won a Tony award for The Rose Tattoo. Tennessee personally adapted many of his works into screenplays, but also penned essays, poetry, novels, prose and other short stories.

So, which of these selections is Thomas portraying? Well, Richard is not going to merely be interpreting selections from Williams' classics. Instead, Richard Thomas will be performing what is arguably Williams' most interesting and flawed role... which happens to be the author himself.

How is that, you ask?

You see, when Tennessee Williams passed away three decades ago, he left behind a treasure trove of personal letters. This, combined with a lifetime of memoirs helped paint a picture of the man behind the pen. Steve Lawson adapted these writings into a one-man play, a showcase that paints Tennessee with his own words. Not only is that a daunting task for an author, but for the thespian as well. After all, think about this for a moment. How much of you is embedded in your day to day writing? Decades from now, will someone be able to portray you based on your journal, your blogs, your emails, Facebook posts and Tweets?

It truly is a dream and a challenge to play such a distinguished yet complex and tortured persona, but Richard Thomas has a charm and sense of nuance to be able and pull it off.

Thomas is one of those actors you may recognize from his work, even if you may not remember his name. A veteran of stage and screen, chances are very good that you've seen him in several things over the years. To many, he will always be known as the aspiring writer John-Boy from the 1970s television show, "The Waltons." Richard won an Emmy for the role, and has received additional nominations over the years for Golden Globes and more Emmys.


It will definitely be interesting to see the portrayal of Williams as a young growing writer. Tennessee descended into an abyss of alcohol and drugs in later years, which likely effect his outlook on life and the human condition. Although I'm sure the portrayal will be subtle, I look forward to seeing this pay where we can see a transformation of the one man onstage from Richard Thomas to Tennessee Williams without any other actors to play off of. That, my friends, has the potential to be fascinating in this show that will be poignant and personal.

Tennessee Williams knew that the craft of writing was a never ending pursuit. Like life itself, it is where passions and emotions can intertwine with narrative to conjure weather that can effect even the sunniest disposition. At times a flamboyant and twisted genius, he embraced the darkness of the human condition, reflecting an inner turmoil that decades of self-abuse could not subside. I can't wait to see this evolution of the man and the artist in front of our eyes on the stage.


In the intimate quarters of the Stateside theater, it will be appropriate to see such a personal portrayal. This unique presentation is straight from the heart of Tennessee.


For one night, Richard Thomas brings Tennessee Williams back to life at Stateside. Wednesday, November 14th at 8:00 p.m. 

A Pre-Election Roast with The Onion

Who else is ready for campaign season to be over? I don't know about you, but I'm just about ready to graduate to the next thing that will irritate me. Luckily, The Paramount will be hosting guests that will make things a lot more tolerable for those of us with "election fatigue."

Don't get me wrong. I fully appreciate the political process, but the cycle of vitriol sure has sapped the joy out of a lot of us. This year, bringing up politics is a sure fire way to escalate a talk from civil discourse to a shouting match. And I can't begin to tell you how many people in my online social circles have been blocked or removed the past several months for being dogmatic blowhards. It's harder and harder to find middle ground these days, often because it seems anyone with a strong opinion has an agenda to make you agree with them. To those, it's a Michael Jackson kind of situation: either black or white.

Heck, you can't even watch the news anymore without a Costco-sized bottle of aspirin at the ready. CNN, Headline News, FOX News, Breitbart, Drudge Report... it's like journalism is secondary to sensationalism. It's a shouting contest where ultimately no one wins. What happened to journalistic objectivism? My inner Simon and Garfunkel croons, where have you gone, Walter Cronkite?

Now that intelligent and unbiased news has gone the way of the dodo, we might as well embrace the absurdity of the current situation. Since we can't depend on journalism to deliver intelligent analysis, a nation turns its lonely eyes to satire. Thank goodness we still have that degree of astute observation available to us, because at least they provide a degree of spice to our daily media consumption. Otherwise, our brain's media diet would only consist of the same old white bread and water usually reserved for prisoners.

So who sprinkles tasty morsels of mockery into our daily lives of mundane media bombardment? Why, it's The Onion, of course! For nearly 25 years, this satirical news organization serves all the parody that's fit to print, they have been presenting articles that lampoon not just news but often the structure of journalism itself. Their website is their most visible vessel, but they also publish a printed newspaper in select markets (including Austin, TX). I figure Austin was selected because anyone living close enough to the state capitol (not to mention some of our recent governors) must have a craving for some comic relief.

While The Onion excels at jabbing our own national news and the political processes, the staff takes aim at many aspects of our daily life. Regular features like those found in more conventional publications (Sports, Entertainment, Personal Interest Stories, etc) are present, all with the same candor and wit that makes all of their reading so devilishly entertaining. If you have the interwebs, feel free to follow them on Twitter to keep a finger on the sarcastic pulse of what's happening in the world. These are the guys whom you are happy to have blow up your twitter feed. Trust me, there's nothing they won't blast. Like the Eye of Sauron (or something less dorky, if that works for you), nothing avoids their sniper-like gaze.

And with the election in its final lap, The Onion brings their wit to The Paramount. On stage will be the members of the creative staff, offering insight into the writing and a behind-the-scenes peek at the production of the Onion News Network. Oh, and they're also going to provide coverage of the election like only they can. I'm sure they won't just jab at the Presidential candidates; they're more likely to hit them over the head with a lead pipe like Professor Plum in the Conservatory.

I look forward to it with eager anticipation. I've been dying to have someone deflate this political balloon of all its hot air. And as for their trademark acerbic touch, I must confess a deep gratitude. Their  version of the news often makes me want to keep up with the world instead of sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich. To The Onion, my own inner Simon and Garfunkel sing on:

So here's to you, Onion writing staff, 

People love you more than you will know. 

Whoa whoa whoa

Oh bless you, please, Onion writing staff. 

Laughter makes the doldrums go away, 

Hey hey hey 

Hey hey hey!

So koo koo kachoo, Mrs. Robinson Austin. The Onion is coming to bring tears of laughter to your eyes. Tears of laughter, that is. The crew will surely alleviate the stress of utter stupidity that all other networks heap upon us. After all, the process can be so ridiculous you have no choice but to giggle and guffaw. I mean, come on... take a look at this guy. Even he can't help but laugh.


Or maybe he's just been peeling away layer after layer of the political machine for so many years he has no choice but to laugh. After all, being enveloped in that environment has got to be so maddening that it's apt to make you cry. You know, just like peeling an onion.

The Onion lands on stage on Friday, October 26 at 7:00 p.m. Leave your own political convictions at the door, because nothing is sacred.

Jeff Garlin

"It used to be that people thought I was Norm from 'Cheers.' Ten years ago everyone would say that to me. Then, in the last year, I was at a newsstand in Studio City, and I saw George Wendt. He said he had just gone on an audition, and they said they were looking for a Jeff Garlin type."

 -Jeff Garlin 

Replacement refs! Presidential debates! Seasonal allergies! Christmas creep in retail stores! I don't know about you, but I could use a drink, a good laugh or both. Luckily for us, we can soon do both. Just in time to help stave off those pre-holiday crazies is a comedian we all know and love. Heck, even if you don't know him, you've heard of him. And no, it's not Norm from "Cheers."In October, The Stateside at The Paramount and Moontower Comedy present Jeff Garlin in his one-man show, "Built for Comfort."

Now don't you dare tell me you don't know who Garlin is. For the uninitiated: yes, he used to be a big guy (re made great strides in reducing his waistline a couple of years ago), but he's still kind of a big deal. Beginning his comedic career with Second City in Chicago, Jeff has been quietly popping up in television and movies everywhere over the past decade. Well, quiet except for the uproarious laughter he brings out of you.

In addition to being a comedian/writer/actor/producer/author/director/jack-of-all-trades-entertainer, Jeff also is a voice actor. If you have been in the company of little ones watching recent animated work, you may know him from the recent PARANORMAN. If not, chances are you recognize his voice from his work in recent Pixar movies such as CARS 2 or TOY STORY 3. Also, he had a very memorable turn as the captain who embodies both the weakness of the flesh yet the strength of the human heart in WALL-E.


Or perhaps you've seen him on television flexing his comedic muscle in "Mad About You," "Everybody Loves Raymond," and "Arrested Development" among many others.

I imagine most of you, however, know Jeff from his work in one of the best TV comedies of the past decade: HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm." The series chronicles the pedantic culture of "Seinfeld" co-creator Larry David and the pratfalls of his day to day life. Over the course of eight brilliant seasons, Garlin has produced the show and also starred as Larry's ever loyal but childish manager Jeff Greene. Together, Larry and Jeff are like the Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn of adult idiocy.

As Greene, Jeff constantly finds himself in tough situations (always of his own creation), and inevitably pays for it at the hands of his wife Susie (played by Susie Essman). She pulls no punches when admonishing both Jeff and Larry with a double-barrelled blast of obscenities. Heck, she lets F-Bombs fly aloft like an old-school arcade game of Missile Command.

Jeff has had too many golden moments here over the years to mention, and also has a variety of catch phrases that I must confess I have adopted myself over the years. My favorite? A euphemism Greene often speaks on the show deploring a particular action as "a big bowl of wrong."

I've been an avid watcher of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" since day one, and the antics of Larry and Jeff never cease to amuse me. For me, nothing has been better than the one time when Jeff is usurped as head of the household by the family dog because of pet allergens. It's hilarious and... well... take a look for yourself.


There's a certain devilish charm to watching Jeff clumsily carouse through his life as a overgrown child, and these men behaving badly only work because of the genius of their performance and the charm of their bone-headed scheming. After several seasons, the characters feel like old friends, and we always wait with baited breath to see exactly what kind of trouble these morons will get into next.

See? I told you you knew who Jeff Garlin was. We all know him, even if previously didn't know what his name was. In a world of ever-changing comedic talents, Garlin is no longer someone who flies under the radar. With the wide variety of projects he has tackled, Jeff is more than just an unknown supporting player. He is, if you pardon the pun, the new norm.

But not that one.

Who knows what kind of funny he'll bring to the Stateside stage? Well, actually you will. Isn't that right? Because missing this would be a big bowl of wrong.

Jeff Garlin takes the stage at The Stateside on Saturday, October 13, at 7:00 p.m. And thanks to people like you, he's gonna be where everybody knows his name...

Bill Engvall

"I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid'. That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing."

-Bill Engvall 

About a month ago, I heard a story on NPR about an anthropologist who studies comedy. Yes, I'm serious; it's not a joke. He was trying to study humor from a scientific perspective to see what makes something funny. Needless to say, when it comes to something as subjective as comedy, the results were inconclusive. And to that guy, all I have to say is "good luck, brother." I think it's safe to say that any attempt to quantify the funny is foolish, if not outright stupid itself.

Of course, when it comes to identifying stupid, perhaps I need to defer to the best stand-up comic judge out there. That's because no one out there will nail you for being stupid quite like comedian Bill Engvall.

A native-born Texan who has gone from stand-up act to big time comic as part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, Engvall is more than a mere country-fried comedian. Originally from Galveston, Bill studied at Southwestern University in Central Texas and then resided in Dallas, where he was a disc jockey before trying his hand at stand-up. After making minor appearances on television, Engvall was named Best Male Standup at the 1992 American Comedy Awards. Things really took off when he began appearing on "The Jeff Foxworthy Show," which led to continued success with Blue Collar Comedy and now as a game show host. Oh, and along the way he's also a multi-platinum selling recording artist for his comedy albums. Yep, over the years he's made quite a living as a very busy entertainer.

So what's his secret? It's pretty simple. Bill is very good at all he does, and perhaps what he does best is describing identifiable situations that not only we can relate to, but can't help to laugh at.

Someone tell the anthropologist in the NPR report that it's no riddle that the key to making people laugh is forming a real connection with your audience. Just take a look back at nearly all successful comic acts. From the popular (Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Cosby, Woody Allen), to the controversial (George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks), to the unorthodox (Mitch Hedberg), all use audience connection as a gateway to laughter. Whether it's childhood experiences or something we take for granted on a day-to-day basis, comedy lies in whether the stand-up comic is relatable. And when the comedian connects with you, he/she isn't merely spouting one-liners... they're speaking the truth!

Now, if you're wondering why I referred to Engvall earlier as a judge of stupid, please don't think it's a derogatory term. I only say that because Bill is probably best known for placing his stamp on popular culture with a particular act. His signature bit is where he points out the inherent stupidity of others. As a warning to other people who may have to interact with such people, he mimes giving out a sign that reads, "I'm stupid!" That way, others in society can be warned and give a wide berth to avoid interaction with such maddening imbeciles.

Yes, it is a novel concept: to get the stupid to wear badges of shame (or honor if they are, in fact, that moronic). But it got me thinking... Maybe Engvall was on to something.

In a perfect world, wouldn't that be a great idea? And in that case, what individuals (whom have demonstrated questionable judgment) might have benefitted society by having their own "stupid" sign?
I wonder...



When one considers this small assembly of bone-headed decision makers, perhaps it has some merit.

I don't know if it's something to write our local congressman about, but it sure would be nice. I'm not saying we need to brand these simpletons with a scarlet letter (Hester Prynne style), but maybe a press conference while wearing a dunce cap would be in order. After all, let's admit it. We've all done some truly stupid things, and I don't think there would be enough signs to go around.

Speaking of dumb decisions, missing out on Bill's appearances at The Paramount Theatre would be a very foolish choice indeed. You don't have to be an anthropologist to come and laugh at Bill's antics and anecdotes. So get ready to welcome the return of a native Texan who has made it big. There's no reason to hesitate, but if per chance you're feeling reluctant and looking for a go ahead.... Well then, here's your sign.


Bill Engvall is sure to be handing out the laughs (and the signs) on Friday, September 21st at 7:00 and 9:30 p.m. at The Paramount Theatre.